TIME FLIES

I actually hate throwbacking on stuffs because I usually do stupid things and I hate to see myself in stupidness. But I love the moment *10 years ago whe I'm still cute like this:

But now, as I'm getting older and bigger, body weight increases, little pressure that cause pimples, exposure to track and field activity*i hate this most and hey i'm a very-not-athletic-fat-short-girl* than hold responsibility of making my skin rentung, petanque, and somehow uglier



eh akumasihcomeldangorgeous.  haha. That perasan part is censored.

But of late. I learn something from it, *drumroll SELF LOVE! Realizing all people around me are all pretty and cute and have admires, it doesn't mean that I'm totally ugly, right? But insecureness still can't be mended well. When i'm scrolling my istagram timeline and watch all those famous-fabulous-pretty pics which is waaaaay better than mine, at that moment, self-esteem doomed. It makes me question myself and god "Why am I born ugly?" Syaitan kiri kanan depan belakang everywhere peh. A few moment later I realised that everybody are gifted with something. Just many people and me doesn't find that 'something' that only speacillize only into you.Yes, you need to be grateful, believe that you were just lucky to have all pleasure that Allah gives. BUT WARNING! DO NOT BE TOO OVERWHELMED BY YOURSELF. When this scenario happen, you will see you are at the top place and the greatest of all. Making you ego and disregard what is important to you. Ex; improving critics. After the feeling of being the king of all, life has a cycle, remember? Downdowndowndowndowndoooowndoooooown. check/ that will happen. It is totally hard to rise and stand on your own as you see no one willing to strecht out their hands to help. 

Conclusion, live moderate way. Do not put yourself in a high-comfort zone and strive to be better. Also, do not put yourself in a doom that is telling your mind to attach on stupid thing because you see life as nothing. Life is too short to do stupid things. Hey, it is absolute worth to sacrifice unproductive business *duniawi and lets think about our future and hereafter.



......
wait, since when am i being an unpaid motivator? haha.

this is me, a student that is striving to be better *part 3

ME IN A POST

Yeah my life? Kadang kadang aq pon keliru siapa aq sebenarnya. Celaru. Sebab apa? Sebap aq senang terpengaruh. Dengar satu benda, mostly dari org berpengaruh memang aq anggap semua betul dan telan bulat-bulat. Yes, tanpa cuba kaji apa yg berlaku, apa akan jadi pada future aq sendiri. So basically macam aq x kenal diri sendiri. Ramai org kata "diri sendiri yang paling kenal diri". Tapi aq masih sibuk persoal diri "siapa aq sebenarnya?''

Jadi aq slow slow organised urusan diri. K. Tarik nafas, hembus, tarik nafas lagi, hembus.
Aq jenis x suka benda yang terlalu teliti contoh paling mudah menjahit. Ya Allah kalau subjek KH tu buat projek amali menjahit, aq punya hasil is one of the worst. That's why cepat semacam je buat. Asal hantar sebelum deadline and lepas band. So buat kerja asal siap. Tapi aq kalau kerja biasa akan berusaha gila gila nak sempurna kalau aq minat macam math. Ya aq minat math tapi kurang sikit dari sejarah. lebih senang telan konsep , bila faham konsep terus ingat tanpa hafal. Kalau all facts, kena tahu detail satu satu yang mungkin aq lemah sikit. But lately aq dah mula minat sejarah sbb aq dah tahu sikit cemana nak belajar. Cikgu tu alau mengajar dia x focus textbook 100 percent. Kitorang belajar x bukak buku teks pon. Just bukak buku log panjang yang cikgu suruh balut surat khabar lama. Tapi pun kalau ada 2 masa ,cikgu habiskan satu masa mengaja tentang kehidupan, kaitan sejarah dan kehidupan dan soalan cepu emas . Dahla selalu aim random je. Menariknya, dia melatih kitorang berfikir, jawapan xde dalam mana mana textbook. All based on knowledge and critical thinking. Tapi disebabkan aq banyak jawab aq dah selalu di aim. Harapan band 6 bermula.

Next, EGO. Kadang kadang aq malu gila nak mati bila tersalah. So ego tercabar. Still pertahan diri walau dah athu apa yang aq buat bukannya tepat sangat pun. After a few moments later, contohnya setiap malam aq akan refresh balik utk tgk apa yg aq dah buat all day. And waktu tu baru aq sedar betapa bodohnya aq. Esoknya jumpa orang tu balik pastu terus nak cover dgn cara senyum, buat lawak or saja tanya khabar etc.

Inilah aku, seorang pelajar yang berusaha jadi cemerlang *part 2

STUDYING

Bila dengar perkataan 'study' mesti ramai ingat pasal perbuatan membuka buku selama 10 15 minit baring ngantuk and lepas tu terus tertidur. Aq pun macam tu kadang kadang. Kalau takde periksa memang buku tu kenalan jauuh jela. Kalau nak exam *lagi lagi final* baru ada motivasi sikit. Waktu tu rasanya buku dengan diri berpisah tiada. Kehulu ke hilir buku. Petang petang pi library try la nak ambil mood. Nak warm up gigih. Tapi......

Library bising haha. Bukan itu aja, bila nak start buka buku, meja tu nampak macam syurga tak terkata bak hotel beribu bintang. Pastu siap pesan kat member sebelah, beb 5 minit kejut. Accurate 5 minit memanglah bangun tapi keluar perkataan, 'ah nanti nantilah study'.And then sambung terbang di awang awangan. Buku hulu hilir tapi macam hiasan je. jetjet ulat buku gitu. The most important is  aq pecah rekod x tidur dalam kelas and dapat fokus sepenuhnya. Aq kurangkan talk bad pasal cikgu, ya la nanti x berkat.

Alhamdulillah aq ada kesedaran nak sungguh sungguh start form 2. Haaaaaa, baru menyesal kau form 1 aq anggap mcm tadika je. Nak menangih Tengok result final. PAI dapat C. ENGLISH dapat C MATH  dapat B SAINS dapat B sipi lagi nak C. Aq x kisah dengan diri aq tapi...... parents aq. Terserlah mereka kecewa terdiam seribu bahasa. Ya la abang abang and akak akak aq dulu semua intelligent. Aq cuba balance masa study, debate practices, homework. Punyalah susah. Tapi in the end of the day, aq berjaya. Pantang ada masa lapang, try la sikit usha usha buku tu. Tapi penangan meja tu still ada but dapat kurangkan at least.

Akhirnya final dalam kelas dapat first. Tapi x lulus SBP. Sains near miss 76. Tapi dalam batch dapat no. 4/148. Bila ingat balik semua usaha aq selama ni, masih banyak kekurangan dan mungkin apa yang aku dapat setimpal dengan usaha.

PT3? Tu yang paling aq risau. Aq mungkin tak banyak masalah dalam KBAT semua tu. Tapi mana tau, kita merancang, Allah yang menentukan. Mana tau waktu exam tu aq sakit ke, blank ke dan semua musibah yang boleh datang. Hanya boleh berdoa dipermudahkan perjalanan yang baru bermula dan betulkan niat kenapa belajar, bukan kerana siapa siapa tapi lillahi ta'ala.

Inilah aku, seorang pelajar yang berusaha jadi cemerlang *part 1